“Hang on. It’s coming to me. It's
right there on the tip of my tongue. It's a word that has a "th" sound in the
beginning and a "ing" sound somewhere at the end. Oh, oh I can
almost see it! Crap, it's gone.” Perhaps later, when I’m lying down for
sleep, that stupid word, so maddeningly intangible just hours before will pop
right into my head, as if it were all just a silly misunderstanding between me
and my brain.
I'm guessing that if
you've had chemo and have experienced the stupor that often follows, then you
know what I'm talking about, right? It's not that you just can't retrieve
language; it's that you can't comprehend it. My thinking, learning,
processing or remembering is now so very different. It's like the arcade game
with the crane where you try to scoop up the cheap plastic key chain and then ten
dollars later, it's stuck in the chute.
It is painful to read and
re-read an email, sometimes even a third time, unable to decipher it. When I
have to respond, asking for clarification, I feel tempted to inform the public “I
have chemo brain. Please dumb this down for me.” Or when people look at me with
confusion in a meeting while I am trying to talk -- I consciously know that I'm
not making sense, and there’s nothing I can do about it. After having
spent most of my life being praised for my communication and vocabulary, when these
events happen, I literally die a million deaths.
Chemo may have cured my
cancer, and I am thankful for that, but I grieve the loss of the person I used
to be. It worries me daily. How long will
these cognitive deficits interfere with my job and my ability to function at
home? Will I continue to be able to provide for my family? Will I ever retain
what my son told me just hours before? Does this mean I will incur dementia? Am I permanently dumber as a result of chemotherapy?
They call it “chemo brain”
or “cancer-treatment-related cognitive impairment” but don’t let the terms fool
you into thinking it’s only a state during which chemo is being administered.
Wrong! It can persist and
manifest in many ways long after the end of treatments in as many as 75 percent
of survivors. In my research I've learned that many chemotherapeutic agents used to treat cancer trigger inflammation in the hippocampus, a cerebral region
responsible for many cognitive abilities, such as learning and memory. This
inflammation can destroy neurons and other cell types in the brain.
Additionally, these toxic compounds damage the connective structure of neurons, called dendrites and axons, and alter the integrity of synapses - the vital links that permit neurons to pass electrical and chemical signals throughout the brain. One researcher I follow compares the process to “a tree being pruned of its branches and leaves. In many instances, people experience severe cognitive impairment that's progressive and debilitating…the results can be particularly devastating, leading to reduced IQ, asocial behavior and diminished quality of life.”
Additionally, these toxic compounds damage the connective structure of neurons, called dendrites and axons, and alter the integrity of synapses - the vital links that permit neurons to pass electrical and chemical signals throughout the brain. One researcher I follow compares the process to “a tree being pruned of its branches and leaves. In many instances, people experience severe cognitive impairment that's progressive and debilitating…the results can be particularly devastating, leading to reduced IQ, asocial behavior and diminished quality of life.”
Survivors I
meet often bring this up, hoping I have an answer to share. But I don’t. No one
really does. But I do have theories, which include juicing and eating a primarily
plant-based diet. Cut out the junk. Focus on lean proteins (if you eat meat)
and a colorful assortment of vegetables (especially dark leafy greens) and
fruits that nourish the brain. Avoid saturated fats (cheese, whole milk, lard,
butter, fatty animal products) and trans-fats (in some fast foods and baked
goods such as pie crusts, donuts, crackers, etc.) that can clog arteries and
cause poor blood flow to the brain (there’s a reason trans-fats are banned in a
few states). Omega-3 fats are the good guys (wild salmon, fish oil supplements,
herring, flaxseeds, chia seeds, walnuts, etc.). Researchers believe they
improve mood and protect against inflammation and cognitive decline.
Lastly, laugh.
Laugh a lot. Humor really does help bring the world into focus and
that's an especially good thing for people with chemo brain.
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