Right when I feel like I’m settling into the current
circumstances, plans change.
More than two weeks before my vacation, I took a genetic
test called a BRCA test (most people seem to pronounce it Brack-uh),
recommended by my breast surgeon. Come to find out, I fall within a population
of only 11% of women under the age of 45 diagnosed with breast cancer. Because
I’m a newly inducted member of this sorority, it’s important to know if I am a
carrier of BRCA. It’s not only important for me and my future, but also for my offspring.
What does a + BRCA test mean? Well, basically that I have a
high probability of getting breast cancer and/or ovarian cancer in my lifetime.
For me specifically? Well, I’ve nailed the breast cancer, so therefore I may live
with a risk of ovarian cancer. There is currently no effective early screening
for ovarian cancer; when it is caught, it is typically in advanced stages and
hard to cure. For the ovarian surveillance, I would have a yearly vaginal
ultrasound to check my ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus for abnormalities
and a CA125 blood test that looks for elevated CA125 protein levels which is an
indicator for ovarian cancer. Again, neither of these ovarian cancer screenings
ensures that we would catch the cancer early. Preventive measures may be taken proactively,
rather, which correlates to a complete hysterectomy. We’re not there yet, but
that’s a beast of itself.
Rewinding….upon my return from the south Pacific, I received a series
of phone calls. Long story short, geneticists are requiring me to perform a series of
genetic tests considering my age, my mother’s death (a story for another
time), and the few but significant cancer occurrences on my father’s side. Apparently,
I meet more than enough criteria to be tested for Li-Fraumini syndrome, Chek-2
and a few others. Testing positive for these gene mutations mean a great number
of things. In summary, a higher probability for many other sarcomas and the
need for full body MRI exams on a yearly basis. Wow! Yikes. Okay.
So, there may be any one, or all, of these mutant genes inside
of me, silently, doing it’s nasty work of churning out corrupted cells that go
out looking for somewhere to attach and spread it’s darkness BUT soon we’ll
about it. And instead of being on the defensive, we can attack. With all the
violence and finality I can muster, I’ll have to fight.
I digress.
Our bodies are but a shell for our souls, our spark of life
which cannot be changed no matter what is done to the shell. We are talking
about double mastectomies, hysterectomy, chemotherapy, genetic counseling,
implants, hormones, possibilities and probabilities. My body will change.
And God continues to be there through it all. God is always
there with you. He doesn’t make you
go through certain trials, He allows you
to go through them. He allows us to
experience pain, suffering, hurt, loss, and grief in order for us to learn
something. After all, what would our lives be if they were easy all the time?
Would we learn anything? Would we grow? We, as human beings, need to be
challenged. And, as for me, I’m thankful for a God who challenges me. Even though
the midst of these trials may royally suck at times, I look forward to the
knowledge I will gain because of this. The story I will have.
You know, all of our journeys are unique ones. God gives
each of us different stories to tell. Different chapters, different words,
different characters, different plots. I believe He does this so we can
personally learn and grow, and so that we can share them with others, so that
they too, can grow. Be reminded that God also allows us personal victories,
good days, and happiness. He is not only the author of the crap, but He also
writes our greatest times as well. We gain knowledge through these victories,
but as for me, I gain a helluva lot more knowledge through my trials. I am
thankful for my journey. Don’t get me wrong, just because I’m thankful, doesn’t
mean I always like it. However, my thankfulness is rooted in the fact that God
will bless me for being faithful. He will bless me with things I can’t even
imagine yet. These trials he puts us through will always result in reward. It’s
the truth. God guarantees it.
As I have grown and gone through many trials in my life, I
choose to view these shitty circumstances not as “Why?” moments, but rather as
“What are You teaching me?” quests. God is working in me. He is teaching me
something that will benefit my future. He is honing my character. I look
forward to the person I will become due to this diagnosis and the immense
blessings He will pour out to me.
Thank you all for your continued support, prayers, and
encouragement. You all rock! Really, you are my rocks…my pillars…my sisters and
brothers.
1 Peter 5:8-10 (Message Version)
“Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to
pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your
guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into hard times. It’s the same with
Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering
won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great
plans for us in Christ -eternal and glorious plans they are!- will have you put
together and on your feet for good.”
