Monday, April 1, 2013

ON THIS BIRTHDAY


I always feel compelled on the occasions of birthdays or anniversaries to try and write down or capture in some way the immediate state of my thoughts. What have I learned in the past 365 days since I celebrated this date? What have I experienced? What have I improved about myself and my life?

The year that has passed between 34 and 35 has been an eventful one for me. I have been raising a human toddler. I discovered I knew so much less about parenting than I previously had assumed. I’ve lived a dream, like the coming and going as my family’s heart desired, vacations and outings and whatever we wanted. I think most people who consider themselves my dear friends would agree that they had to work hard at being my friend this past year. I sometimes found myself disconnected as the responsibility of juggling a career, a marriage and three children felt like it gobbled me up for months at a time. I threw myself at the thing I’m most passionate about – my family – at the casualty of a few other great loves in the process. The need to be completely selfless in some aspects of my life caused me to be completely selfish in others. One of my goals for the coming year is to find a better way to balance the two.

As my thirties progressed, I learned I was capable of dealing with far more stress than I thought possible. I learned that my husband takes care of so many little teeny things in my life that add up to one big thing: peace of mind. I fell in love with the gray that speckles his hair. I learned to never underestimate the curiosity and will of my children. I’m learning we are all capable of far more than the limitations set upon us by others. I’ve grown braver, stronger, less afraid to SPEAK UP. (Which is something I think I write every year, but it’s true -- even if it’s happening in baby steps)

I asked for more responsibility at work. I prayed more and found a deeper spirituality in my faith. I stood in front of the mirror in my underwear and gave myself a hard time about what three children and the lack of sleep has done to me physically. Then I smiled and decided it was worth it. I felt the ache of watching my children grow too fast and the bursting pride in the milestones and accomplishments they conquered with each passing stage.

The greatest lesson I lived this year, was that I have a long way to go to becoming the wife, mother, and friend that I am capable of being. I will always hold on to a handful of struggles but I know my potential is great. So here’s to the gifts and knowledge that came with the passing of another year at life, and to all the possibilities that lie ahead. I lived this past year, through and through and I hope with all my heart for the opportunity to do it again.
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