Monday, March 25, 2013

just one more

Do you talk of having more babies? We do. Well, not plural babies…just one more baby. We wonder how it will affect us financially.

As a society, we have embedded this idea in our heads that children need costly “things” to grow up happy. And while we carry hopes of traveling with them, dining out with them, experiencing adventures with them, we could definitely lower our standards of what life should entail for them. You just naturally ‘want’ for your child(ren).

The most significant cost we consider is college. So, therefore, we ponder a lot about affording 3 college students, much less 4, along with fulfilling all those other ‘dreams.’

We talk about the attention we must give our children, and the daily efforts required by us. How much of our time we want to give and how that already feels challenging at times. We talk about how even though it doesn’t feel like it - the first year really is the easiest - that the more they develop and mature - the more complex the road of parenthood becomes.

But every now and then, my eyes will get teary and the part of my heart that has no interest in practicality, caring less about daily balance or dreams of travel, turns to Pete and says “Let’s try for another baby. Let’s go for it! JUST ONE MORE TIME!”

Just one more time…one more season of sleepless nights and tiny toes and soft spots and onesies and the first bite of squash and the first crawl. Once more, that ache in my lower back from swaying a little person for an hour while battling teething, giggling with Pete because the alternative is us crying, alongside them.

Even if I had 10 children, I am pretty sure the longing for another baby would still exist. Maybe it’s just a natural reaction as we realize we are coming to the end of our “baby years”.  I am optimistic about where ever we go from here – whether that be another child or the open road, or both.

I put the carrier and bouncer in the attic. I’m letting it go and enjoying the right now, as a family of five. Because sometimes, and I remind myself daily, we don’t have to have all the answers about our future.

Have you created an opening in your life for another child, or have you closed and locked that door forever?
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