Saturday, November 3, 2012

loving with expectations

“Repeat in your head, ‘I am enough!’” was a recent Facebook post of mine. But I can’t stop there – I need to elaborate – there are friends who need to hear this.

The problem is, people often love with expectations…  You offer love, hoping that you will be loved in return.  You offer kindness, hoping that you will be recognized and valued.  You offer yourself, hoping that others will accept you and value you.  Loving like this will most likely lead to disappointment.  You’re putting a person and/or people in charge of your happiness.  And as a result, the disappointment you experience puts fear in you.  Loving then becomes risky.  You grow to be guarded and less willing to love fully.  And so...vulnerability takes a backseat.  And so does life.  And living.  And fullness.

This kind of fearful love, riddled with expectations will continue to end tragically. 

If you know that worth is inherent and intrinsic to who you are, you know this too applies to everyone else.  It is knowing that someone is worth your patience.  Your kindness.  Your forgiveness.  Your compassion.  You don’t need reciprocity if you value yourself.  Instead, offer what you can out of love, and then let each person carry out their own life and their own path. This is the essence of love.

Seeking after the virtue of LOVE helps you to become your truest, most worthwhile self.  It's the core of who we are. If we let love power what we are doing....we can do the hardest things we've ever had to do in this life.

Song: Waiting for My Real Life to Begin   Artist: Colin Hay



  1. Ugh! I soooooo understand this. My mother's love comes with long, invisible strings attached. I've gotten better with the border patrol, but I do feel that something has closed up inside of me towards her. I wish I could say that it will get better, but I have my doubts. Some people offer love but it is really poison in disguise. Some of us have to be mindful.

    Thank you for the tweet today. You have a new follower! :)

  2. Renee, thank you for your commentary. I've heard many a story like yours. I'm no expert by any means, but I think it's important to remind yourself that you have no control over your mother. What you DO have control over is you and how you handle her -- and it's important to strive for dignity and grace in that regard. Always walk away knowing you did the best you could. Thank you for stopping by! I hope you will come back regularly.


I am incredibly grateful for your comment! I will respond as soon as possible. XOXO, Mandi

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