BABY FAT

My good friend, “CC”, had her 20 week check up yesterday. With what should have been a positive report, she resorted to tears. Apparently, her holier than thou OBGYN fussed at her for the poundage she’s gained thus far. Thank you, doctor, for your sucky bedside manner and later flirting with CC’s husband.

It’s no secret that weight gain in pregnancy is on our minds a lot. Quite honestly, weight gain in general, pregnant or otherwise – we’re women. The thing is, weight gain in pregnancy is important. Its more than important. It’s essential. It needs to happen. Some gain a lot, some gain a little. It greatly depends on your body type and pre-pregnancy weight.

CC is a former dancer and news reporter. There’s no doubt that she knows how to get in tip top shape for her audience. Not that I think she should let herself go, but the weight she’s gained is hardly so. CC needs to focus on surviving pregnancy, with a little indulgence here and there.

To my post-prego friends, gestation is a process, not only for the developing baby, but for the mother. Growing an entire person up inside our easy bake oven takes time — for some, lots and lots of weepy, flatulent time — and having your body returned to you in something reminiscent of its pre-baby splendor ALSO takes time. Unless you’re a model or a celebrity, I guess. Because then you’re expected to splash photos of yourself looking absolutely flawless in a bikini all over the Internet before the stirrups on the delivery table have cooled.

No effin’ way is this the norm, Miranda Kerr!

After the birth of my first 2 children, I never looked that angelic and made-up. Probably more like an gangly, beast in a track suit who had recently been run over by a large piece of farm equipment. And I suppose that’s why my modeling career never really took off.

Hello there, normal 3 months postpartum body and thank you, Jennifer Garner.

Let me be clear…this is not jealousy talking. And I know Miranda Kerr is a model and must have had to take the fast lane to lose her pregnancy weight. But it would have been nice for her agent to book shoots 6 or 9 months from now. Instead, this gives all the women of the world yet another reason to hate their bodies and participate in harmful weight-loss techniques to achieve a physical appearance one’s body is never meant to have 3 months postpartum.