Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I can remember bringing Keegan home from the hospital 11 years ago. I sat in the back seat, staring at him so intently, with such focus and emotion, that I’m surprised his tiny hatted head didn’t explode.

I did the same with Bailey, of course. (Suddenly, I feel a reminiscent prickle of sweat thinking about it.) We were trying to feed her. We tried to burp her, tried the breast, tried the bottle, tried rocking and swaying and shhhhing and swaddling and I don't remember what all, in this screechy crescendo of dismay, hers and ours. She was crying, I was crying. This went on for approximately 3 months, unless she was found lying in the football hold latched onto my left breast (her preferred pacifier).

Mercifully, I’ve forgotten the majority of those challenging days, and once again looking forward to our new arrival in July. July? Yes, July 28th to be exact. ("Da'am Gina" 's birthday). Pete is focusing on the exciting fact that we will soon be parents (again, that is, not that we aren’t still parents to Fric and Frac), but I can’t help but focus lately on the fact that our life is about to change in such a huge way. I know it will be okay. It will be hard…but good. Different… but good. Awesome even.

It will be everything we think it will be in terms of sleep and sacrifice and uncertainty and life-shattering change, but it will be worth it for reasons that are hard to articulate and describe, and once we’re in the thick of it, (I try to remind myself) that we won’t really care. You don't really NEED anyone to articulate and describe WHY it’s worth it, because…it just IS. Having children is purely fulfilling on so many levels, regardless of the hardships that are packaged right along with them.

Imagine an amusement park. A roller coaster…the newest, biggest ride...everyone’s talking about it. Your terror spikes just as the cars start to move and again right as you climb that first hill, and then everything pauses at the peak and BAM! you’re off. It’s faster, bumpier, and crazier than you ever expected. It slows down to a stop and you sit there, kinda blinking and kinda wobbly. “That was awesome” you say, because it totally was. “Let’s do it again!”

That’s motherhood.

P.S. We find out what we're having next Monday! Well, yes, it's a baby. I am referring to the gender. So stay tuned! :)

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