Monday, January 17, 2011


So, I always thought I'd kick butt on The Amazing Race, until Saturday, when I went sledding.

The hill drops at a 90 degree angle and is about a kilometer from top to bottom. It's a death run people. (No, not really, but let’s pretend).  We innocently drive up to the top and park; the kids are barely able to contain their excitement. As soon as we exit the car, we know we're in trouble. This is uncharted territory people. Every step is agony. I trudge along in the back of the pack and I'm exhausted by the time we reach the top of the hill.

I decide to take Bailey on the crazy carpet with me for the last run of the day. She's 9 and apparently fearless since she agreed to double with me on a single sled.  First fist bumped and then take-off.  We were like freaking Chevy Chase in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when he waxes his sled. Picture my legs sticking out the sides and a sheet of white snow covering us both as we travel down the hill at lightening speed. I am completely blind and screaming and I only know that she is still with me because I feel her boot under my butt.

I'm all like "I can do this!"

"I am woman!!" *Shaking fist in the air*

Until I realized I have to walk back up the hill.

Within minutes, inside my head sounds like this:

I can't do this.
I just want someone to pick me up and carry me.
Oh. Em.  Gee. I can't take another step.
This snow is up to my thighs.
I'm dying.
Should I hear my blood pumping in my head?
Maybe if I just lie down for a minute...
I wonder if my family will come looking for me if it gets dark.
I wonder if a coyote will eat my body if I just take a little nap.
How did those people who were stranded in the snow for days, survive?
I would totally give up. Within an hour.
But I'd volunteer to let whoever was with me eat my body. I'm nothing if not thoughtful.
I seriously cannot take another step.
Maybe if I crawl.

My dreams are shattered; I'll never make it on The Amazing Race.

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