Thursday, August 24, 2017

WHO DO I THINK I AM?


Occasionally, I find myself reading eloquent, powerful, soul-stirring words written by other bloggers and I think, “Who Do I Think I Am?!” Who would want to read my measly words? Surely the world has no lack of words and opinions and expressed thoughts, so it’s best I stay silent and live my life quietly; tending to my little people and my busy, sweet, blessed little life. So, I stop writing and toy with the idea of shutting down social media entirely.

Life then moves along just peachy for days, or weeks or even months. Until something happens that breaks my silence and makes me want to write again. Sometimes, it’s simply a need for a creative outlet. Other times, I have an experience like I had recently. I shared the story of a tender moment with the public on my Instagram page – feelings I was very hesitant to write about because I was worried someone reading would think, “who does she think she is?!?” or think I was trying to make myself sound holier than thou (trust me on this – I am far from holier than the least of the thou’s). Yet, I felt compelled to share. The response has been so beautiful and encouraging and uplifting.

Fact of the matter, when we share our real stories, we encourage others to share their own. We learn how to put aside the fear of “who does she think she is?” and pick up the courageous, authentic, truth-telling selves we were made to be.

I’m currently in the midst of a season in my life where I am battling the “Who Do I Think I Am?!” mentality on a daily (more accurately – hourly) basis. It involves me on a stage, in front of 1200 people. I will say this: it’s completely outside of my comfort zone. 

Even still, I wonder why anyone would think it was a good idea to actually think I could pull this thing off. Some really smart people are standing behind me and telling me I can (the question is – are these empty words or do they really believe this?). See! There is this whole “Who Do You Think You Are” thing that keeps banging around in my brain. I lay in bed and imagine the many, many ways I could blow it. Or the ways people may criticize. And I begin to wonder why I would put myself out there because, when you are out there, people can say some really mean things. The only way to silence the “Who Do I Think I Am?!” noise is to stay hidden and say no to ridiculous ideas.

Gracious, how boring would that be?!?

Saying yes to ridiculous ideas is my MO. I may do a terrible job of staying quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself but maybe, just maybe, that’s not what God wants of me. Maybe He places me in outlandish situations so that I can lean into Him and constantly feel inadequate in my own meager strength. After all, “Our purpose is to please God, not people” {1 Thessalonians 2:4}.

So, I’m shutting down the silly “Who Do I Think I Am” soundtrack and turning up the “I Am A Daughter of the King of Kings” anthem. 

Won't you join me?




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