I didn't have coffee until after ten o’clock this morning. This is unheard of, really. I am one of those people that pours my first cup of joe with my eyes half open, on the way to the shower. And then I wonder, every time, why I didn't just wait until after the shower because it gets a little cold on the bathroom counter, waiting for me.
The best mornings are when I can pour that first cup with my eyes half open and then sit in my pajamas on the couch. Lately I need slippers. Texas is showing us her master plan for winter early. The cooler weather comes and goes, but I think the hint of winter is showing her face earlier than usual. This is good. Though we are a little nervous about what she has up her sleeve. Nevertheless, we love the crisp reminder to snuggle in, wrap up, slip on soft things.
Lately there is so much to do, more than ever. My body is different because of it. More hunched, tight, sore. I feel my age more than ever before, maybe even older. This is what it is to keep going, plod on, move onward, soft or not.
I should’ve started my own photography business when I was fifteen years younger. Now I go from a full-time corporate job and raising children and being a wife, to shooting portraiture of sweet darling babies, families, and pregnancy belles. With a wedding intertwined here and there. I’m always rushing home, to fight the laundry, chauffeur the kids, attend parent meetings, play with babies.
This is not complaining. This is just a story about life as it is right now. All my plates spinning in the air. It’s a balancing act. And without God’s grace, and the help of my husband, they would all come crashing down, I’m certain of it.
There is no longer a fight in me, against the work. Against the grind. I don’t know exactly why. Maybe I’m just too tired. Maybe I’m doing things I love to do. Maybe it’s just time.
Life is work and work is life and then we get to have love and the smallest and biggest of beautiful things.
I am sometimes straining my neck to see ahead, to plan, to dream.
Nothing is bad about that.