Wednesday, January 29, 2014

HELD


I’ll be honest. My heart has ached with fear this pregnancy. The challenges I have faced this time around, with minor respiratory flair ups, nerve pain in my back, severe swelling in my legs and feet, and some ailments I’ll not mention – I suppose it’s natural to worry about today’s c-section.

Because I fear. Because I worry. It makes me feel convicted that I’m not trusting God in all of this. That my faith flails when I need to lean on it most. Are any of you mamas fighting a similar battle?

I love with so much passion and fierceness, that I wonder if I will ever be completely free of worry. I want so much to feel secure about what tomorrow holds for my children and husband. That the days, the weeks, the coming months will have nothing heartbreaking in them.

I am proud and honored to be their mama. I want their lives to be a beautiful adventure filled with love and happiness. I want them to shine. But I also want to be there, witnessing all those moments. I want to help pick out the prom dress. I want to drive them to college on their first day. I want to cry happy tears on their wedding day and later scream with joy on the arrival of their children.

Today I pray for courage and to be brave. Today, I trust and rest in His plan, not mine.

Often, I can be found humming this song, Held, by Natalie Grant. It resonates with me. It reminds me to trust in what I know is real – that God is my rock. And that when everything fails, “we’d be held.”

Two months is too little, they let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us wed be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, its unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
Wed be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
Wed be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
Wed be held






5 comments:

  1. Hey girl, I speak peace over you today! I pray that your c-section is successful and that your healing will be nice and quick! I know that it is God's will for you to live and declare the works of The Lord. He's got big plans for you girl and He will give that freedom of not worrying! I've struggled with the same thing especially with us moving in the next few months and not having a place picked out yet! I get terrified sometimes.. But then God constantly reminds me that He is for me and He already has a place picked out for me. He has already given us His Best so why would He give any less? He's got you girl and He is for you!
    Much love mama!! xoxo http://likeamorningcupofcoffee.blogspot.com/

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  2. Love that song so much. Prayers for you today that everything will go perfectly.

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  3. Praying for you today sweet friend.

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  4. I pray for you and your family, that this will be a joyful and happy time for you all. I pray for the c-section. May God keep you in his arms and never let you doubt.

    ~Katy

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I am incredibly grateful for your comment! I will respond as soon as possible. XOXO, Mandi

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