Monday, March 25, 2013

just one more

Do you talk of having more babies? We do. Well, not plural babies…just one more baby. We wonder how it will affect us financially.


As a society, we have embedded this idea in our heads that children need costly “things” to grow up happy. And while we carry hopes of traveling with them, dining out with them, experiencing adventures with them, we could definitely lower our standards of what life should entail for them. You just naturally ‘want’ for your child(ren).

The most significant cost we consider is college. So, therefore, we ponder a lot about affording 3 college students, much less 4, along with fulfilling all those other ‘dreams.’

We talk about the attention we must give our children, and the daily efforts required by us. How much of our time we want to give and how that already feels challenging at times. We talk about how even though it doesn’t feel like it - the first year really is the easiest - that the more they develop and mature - the more complex the road of parenthood becomes.

But every now and then, my eyes will get teary and the part of my heart that has no interest in practicality, caring less about daily balance or dreams of travel, turns to Pete and says “Let’s try for another baby. Let’s go for it! JUST ONE MORE TIME!”

Just one more time…one more season of sleepless nights and tiny toes and soft spots and onesies and the first bite of squash and the first crawl. Once more, that ache in my lower back from swaying a little person for an hour while battling teething, giggling with Pete because the alternative is us crying, alongside them.

Even if I had 10 children, I am pretty sure the longing for another baby would still exist. Maybe it’s just a natural reaction as we realize we are coming to the end of our “baby years”.  I am optimistic about where ever we go from here – whether that be another child or the open road, or both.

***
I put the carrier and bouncer in the attic. I’m letting it go and enjoying the right now, as a family of five. Because sometimes, and I remind myself daily, we don’t have to have all the answers about our future.

Have you created an opening in your life for another child, or have you closed and locked that door forever?
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17 comments:

  1. You know, Mandi, I would really love to have "just one more" . I would love to have four - but doubt I have the emotional energy to expend. I want to give my all to all my children and am just not sure I could do that with one more.

    Plus, the financial implications. It's more than buying expensive gadgets (which I don't). It's about the necessities in life (food, shelter and clothing). You know?

    I just don't know if I want to deal.

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    Replies
    1. Lisa, I just adore you -- you answered this so realistically and honestly. You're so very right, too, about the emotional energy being so much more demanding than the availability of, or otherwise lack of, finances. I'll be 35 in less than a week, and I'm sensing a great reduction in my energy and my physical abilities. Those are definitely factors I need to take into consideration.

      Thank you for being so very real in your response. And for enlightening me in some regard. Hugs to you!

      Delete
  2. Lisa, I just adore you -- you answered this so realistically and honestly. You're so very right, too, about the emotional energy being so much more demanding than the availability of, or otherwise lack of, finances. I'll be 35 in less than a week, and I'm sensing a great reduction in my energy and my physical abilities. Those are definitely factors I need to take into consideration.

    Thank you for being so very real in your response. And for enlightening me in some regard. Hugs to you!

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  3. Our youngest was in kindergarten when we decided to have one more. I love all four of our girls and wouldn't change it for the world but it does cost a lot! Especially when the kids get older and they have the appetites of a wildebeest, and school shopping is a killer! I worry about college too, our oldest says she wants to be a doctor and sometimes I feel like I should say "maybe you should be a nurse" just because it's so much cheaper for nursing school. Our second oldest was upset the other day and yelled at me "I spend my whole life trying to get noticed by you people!" I felt really bad and I have made sure to spend tons of time with her lately so she doesn't feel so left out! I still have an urge to have one more but I won't have another!! :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ironically enough, my 11-year old daughter said something very similar recently. She was acting overly emotional one evening, and when I suggested that maybe she's tired, she rebutted with "You just don't snuggle with me anymore. We hardly even hold hands."

      Much like you, my heart melted. Yet, a part of me angry. Irritated because I feel like I do SO MUCH for them and it remains never enough. But at the same time, I reflect on the busy things that really aren't all that important, and suggest to self that I may need to back off volunteer work. Remind myself that my volunteer work isn't what my kids are going to remember when they look back on their childhood.

      Tell them that we love them isn't enough. We have to SHOW them in our actions, and that's what I'm striving for most these days.

      Best wishes to you, Jen! If you come up with any great discoveries on how to raise these young people, let me know. :)

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  4. I would love to have another child but we can't afford it. Hopefully, I will be blessed with another one day.
    Also, I nominated you for a Liebster Award! Check out all the details here: http://secondchancesgirl.blogspot.com/2013/03/yay-liebster.html

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  5. Oh you have read my mind, my dear! We have two little boys, ages 7 and 2.5...which means...guess what - I STILL have that longing for a girl. Not that it would be guaranteed, I have a feeling God would give me another boy, kick back and have a good laugh at my expense, but it still doesn't stop me from wanting to TRY. Hubby says no...he says we're done...but I'm still not sure. We did just get an 8-wk old female puppy, so my longings are being humored for now. www.styleoyster.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cute -- a puppy to humor your "baby" desires. That would probably work for me, too...temporarily.

      My oldest are 13 and 11. And then we have the 20 mo old baby. In a few years, when the "bigs" are going off to college, the baby couldn't potentially grow up an only child. I just don't know if I want that for him. Not that it's a bad thing, but I personally know it can be lonely from time to time.

      Thanks for commenting here -- I appreciate your story! XOXO

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  6. I have one son, and though I would love to have a daughter, we're done for now. It's too costly in the area of the country that we live for anymore. I'm hoping that my husband's job will relocate us to an area slightly more affordable, then maybe we'll have one more.

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    Replies
    1. For your sake, I hope the same. We get a very small window in life to have children, and I hope that you are completely fulfilled in that regard. Thank you for visiting here, Emily -- it means the world. Many blessings to you and yours! XOXO

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  7. What a great perspective to see while my husband and I are 'considering' starting a family. If it was up to him we would have a baby in our arms right now. I don't think there ever is a right time or perfect number to have. But I did enjoy reading this.

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  8. What a great perspective to read especially while the husband and I are 'considering' starting a family. I mean if it was up to him I would have a baby in my arms right now. At the end of the day, I don't think there is one perfect time to have children nor a perfect number to have. Thank you for sharing - I enjoyed reading it!

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  9. Mandi, this is such a great post. I just found you on another blog and hopped over. :) I still long at times but the moments are less frequent. We had three very hard pregnancies and lost our second son when he was full term so I try and just be grateful for what we are blessed to have here on earth...and in heaven.

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  10. Such a sweet post! I have a 13 month old and can't believe how grown up he already is. He isnt a baby at all anymore and I miss that so much! We do plan on having more and I understand your wanting to throw caution to the wind! Following now!

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  11. If your family doesn't feel finished nothing else much matters. As my husband always likes to say to me "There are ways and ways.

    Which simply means your kids will find ways to go to college no matter what. Even if you can't pay for it for them. Lots of kids work their own way through or take out loans for ALL of it, out of necessity. And lots of kids know to work for scholarships.

    I think we all like to think if we don't do anything to upset the delicate balance of life when it is good and easy then it will stay this way forever. But tomorrow something unexpected could happen to change it all forever anyway. Trust God, yourselves, and the universe to know it will all be okay.

    Gosh I miss baby chub.

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    ReplyDelete

I am incredibly grateful for your comment! I will respond as soon as possible. XOXO, Mandi

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