Monday, July 23, 2012

ladies, this needs addressing

To all of you dear WOMEN -- this post is for you!

I want to address a topic that I hear from so many women. In some version or another, this is what I'm hearing...

HOW CAN I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF WHEN EVERYONE AROUND ME IS PRETTIER/SKINNIER/RICHER/MORE CREATIVE/HAPPIER/A BETTER MOTHER/HAS A BETTER MARRIAGE/ETC?!

And, HELLO GORGEOUS FACEBOOK PHOTOS! HELLO PRETTY BLOGS! They have a tendency to start up that damaging script in our heads that says we are not good enough/smart enough/creative enough/skinny enough/desirable enough, etc. There is just so much access to other women & their lives, outfits, homes, parties, etc. And it seems more than ever before, women all over are plagued with comparing themselves to others, all along their self-esteem is deflating.

I hear it constantly. And not always directly. Often times innuendos. From my friends. Family members. Colleagues. The struggle to find a balance between tapping into their true identity & worth while at the same time, balancing desires for...

-Being famous for something.
-Being super-model thin.
-Being the gal with the best outfit at the party.
-Being rich/er.
-Living in a nicer house.

-Driving the nicest car.

It's so easy to fall victim to this crap.

For starters, can I just say, with all sincerity, that you ladies...ALL OF YOU...are wonderful. I haven't met a woman yet in my entire life who was not a beautiful human being with either the biggest heart or the best intentions to offer something good to this world. One of my greatest wishes ever is that we can all tap into our worth & end this horribly damaging cycle of comparing ourselves.

I know you can end that cycle. And here's how I do it....


Decide what you really want out of this life, and surrender to it. Completely. I gave all of my heart to it. (I decided to do this when I was at the crossroads of my life -- in the midst of an unfulfilling marriage.)

This is what I decided I wanted the most & clung to it for dear life:

-To be a good mother.
-To be a good wife, worthy of a good husband.
-To share & give all that I have to helping others on their path.
-To leave this earth a better place for being in it.
-To be happy & at peace, regardless of circumstance (cause it helps me to do all of the above.)

EMBRACE THE BEAUTY & SUCCESS OF OTHERS. Instead of letting the success of others bring me down, I feel excited for for them. I feel special/grateful to be able to associate with someone so talented/creative/or successful. Surround yourself with people that you admire. Reach out to them, love them, and learn from them.

GIVE UP THE COMPARING OUT OF LOVE FOR YOUR LOVED ONES. If you are dwelling in negativity and self criticism, I guarantee it will spill over onto your husbands, kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, family and coworkers. You can't really hide that stuff. And guess what - - it's not attractive. It doesn't lead to happy marriages and relationships. So if you are letting your desire for skinniness/riches/fame/attention make you feel negatively, think of the poisonous negative energy you are sending into the world and the effect it is having on others. Consider that you are teaching your children to live this way as well. Use your love for others as a catalyst for trying to change your ways. Love really is the most powerful force that can help us to stay on track.

HAVE LOVE & GRATITUDE FOR YOURSELF. Think of every kind word that has ever come your way. Think of every person you have influenced for the better. Think about HOW BLESSED you are!!!! For your eyes. For your hair. Legs that walk. A healthy, loving family. A chance to be alive and experience this beautiful life! No matter who you are, think of what you have and cherish it.

THINK OF OTHERS, INSTEAD OF YOURSELF. When I walk into a room - whether it's a room full of billionaires & their wives, or a room full of women at church from all backgrounds, or a room full of young urban teenagers with wit and style that could intimidate the crap out of me (if I let it).......Instead of thinking of MY inadequacies, I think about how I could make others comfortable, how I can bring a smile to their face, how I can get to know them better, how I can brighten their day in some way, or how I can just experience what they have to offer and learn from it. Thinking of others and taking my focus off of myself leaves no room for damaging thoughts. TRY IT! I promise it works like a charm. And it's a great way to ensure you look and feel radiant.

And lastly, if any of us have a weak moment and find ourselves comparing the crap out of someone else's life & wishing we had more.......THINK OF VERUCA SALT. :) This girl had everything, but was never grateful for it & always wanted more...and ended up a blueberry!



"All I've got at home is one pony, two dogs, four cats, six bunny rabbits, two parakeets, three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle and a silly old hamster! I WANT A SQUIRREL! But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a *trained* squirrel!"

"I want a party with roomfuls of laughter, ten thousand tons of ice cream. And if I don't get the things I am after, I'm going to screeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAM!!!!"

-Veruca Salt, Willy Wonka.



Song: Slide  Artist: Dido

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