Monday, May 16, 2011

THIS LITTLE LIFE

saturday was a very special day.  a celebration of our little mister.  i believe we had approximately 28 in attendance – each and every person, a someone special.  i wish i had more words for thank you.  i wish i had access to fireworks and skywriting planes and billboards to show our appreciation.

i spent almost an hour last night, sitting on the couch going through each gift, shaking my head in disbelief, ooohing over every darling little outfit and feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people who care about us and our little boy. 

as the kids gusted in play upstairs and pete finagled with something in the nursery, i slowly slid off the sofa and i sat on the floor of our home and just…listened.

you could hear the faintest bit of traffic zipping by on the other side of the giant oak trees that insulate our house.  the birds chirped a peaceful song.  the cats spread eagle on the wood floor in their food coma.  the consumption of photos, depicting so many of our amazing memories, blanket the surfaces of the furniture all around me.

it felt like the entire world was still and i was there, with my knees bent to the side, lying on the rug and staring up at the ceiling when the feeling hit me.

i am so grateful for all of this.

i have asked god more times than i can ever count why he chose to give me this life.  i certainly am not worthy.  not in the least.  this family.  these friends.  the opportunities.  my beautiful husband (to be), our children, and this precious, precious baby boy that’s soon making his grand appearance.

nothing i have ever done warrants the gifts that have been bestowed upon me. 

in all the writing i’ve done in my life, i’ve wished a hundred times that there was a word deeper than love.  and lately i find myself wishing over and over for a word greater than thankfulness.

my life is not glamorous.  i will never be the most beautiful, the most creative, the wealthiest.  i am as imperfect as they come.  but somehow, despite my flaws, this little life of mine is heavy with grace.

and i find myself on so many occasions, lying on the floor (or in the car or in bed or any number of other places) with my head spinning -- wondering just how i’ll ever be worthy of so much.




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