Friday, April 29, 2011

BASKETBALL BELLY UNDERWAY

my entire day is spent feeling kick-kick-flutter-bang-kick-bam-flutter-bang-poke-swoon. in addition, i find that a large number of items in my daily life – beach balls and random circles – are significantly smaller than my belly. significantly smaller than my enormous pregnant milk jugs, in fact. someday, the baby and i will make a great karate duo. the kid will kick down the bad guys and i will smother them with my bosom.

point is, i’ve crossed paths with a few people at the office. who. very likely. saw me last month, and the month before that. there’s no mistaking this round protruding belly. yet, low and behold, “when did this happen?” pointing at my belly. i look down. back at the finger. and back at the person. in one of those instances, i cocked my head to the side, raised an eyebrow, and smiled. (this particular person doesn’t give me many opportunities like this so i ran with it….) “well, you see, coworker. when a man and woman love each other very much…”

so. we’re attending a get-together at a friend’s house tomorrow. she’s pregnant, but no one knows. another mutual friend, also joining us, is pregnant. again, no one knows. i feel this great need to notify all the other gals in attendance to double up on their birth control pills before meeting us. and bring a condom for that extra protection. [holding back is brutal.]

on a separate note, you know what drives me crazy? pet hair. we have two cats and we cannot keep up with the amount of tumbleweeds in our house. we even have a pretty swell vacuum that sucks up everything. i seriously think it could suck up a hamster or an entire sock but no matter how much we use it, the pet hair still wins. i read a study that kids who live with pets have stronger immune systems and less allergies. so, whenever i pull a cat hair out of the baby’s mouth in just a few short months from now, i will remind myself of that study to make me feel better. (hey, whatever works)

so to sum up this post -- 1) basketball belly underway, 2) i hope for everyone’s sake tomorrow, that pregnancy by association isn’t possible, and 3) if you come to our house wearing black clothing, you’re on your own.



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