Thursday, August 24, 2017

WHO DO I THINK I AM?


Occasionally, I find myself reading eloquent, powerful, soul-stirring words written by other bloggers and I think, “Who Do I Think I Am?!” Who would want to read my measly words? Surely the world has no lack of words and opinions and expressed thoughts, so it’s best I stay silent and live my life quietly; tending to my little people and my busy, sweet, blessed little life. So, I stop writing and toy with the idea of shutting down social media entirely.

Life then moves along just peachy for days, or weeks or even months. Until something happens that breaks my silence and makes me want to write again. Sometimes, it’s simply a need for a creative outlet. Other times, I have an experience like I had recently. I shared the story of a tender moment with the public on my Instagram page – feelings I was very hesitant to write about because I was worried someone reading would think, “who does she think she is?!?” or think I was trying to make myself sound holier than thou (trust me on this – I am far from holier than the least of the thou’s). Yet, I felt compelled to share. The response has been so beautiful and encouraging and uplifting.

Fact of the matter, when we share our real stories, we encourage others to share their own. We learn how to put aside the fear of “who does she think she is?” and pick up the courageous, authentic, truth-telling selves we were made to be.

I’m currently in the midst of a season in my life where I am battling the “Who Do I Think I Am?!” mentality on a daily (more accurately – hourly) basis. It involves me on a stage, in front of 1200 people. I will say this: it’s completely outside of my comfort zone. 

Even still, I wonder why anyone would think it was a good idea to actually think I could pull this thing off. Some really smart people are standing behind me and telling me I can (the question is – are these empty words or do they really believe this?). See! There is this whole “Who Do You Think You Are” thing that keeps banging around in my brain. I lay in bed and imagine the many, many ways I could blow it. Or the ways people may criticize. And I begin to wonder why I would put myself out there because, when you are out there, people can say some really mean things. The only way to silence the “Who Do I Think I Am?!” noise is to stay hidden and say no to ridiculous ideas.

Gracious, how boring would that be?!?

Saying yes to ridiculous ideas is my MO. I may do a terrible job of staying quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself but maybe, just maybe, that’s not what God wants of me. Maybe He places me in outlandish situations so that I can lean into Him and constantly feel inadequate in my own meager strength. After all, “Our purpose is to please God, not people” {1 Thessalonians 2:4}.

So, I’m shutting down the silly “Who Do I Think I Am” soundtrack and turning up the “I Am A Daughter of the King of Kings” anthem. 

Won't you join me?




Tuesday, July 18, 2017

CANCERVERSARY




July 18th is my cancerversary, which is a pretty good excuse to eat cake. And while I won’t say that my diagnosis was a blessing, God did bless me with a new and improved perspective.

Everyone asks what I would tell my 38-year old self who was just diagnosed with breast cancer? Well, I’d squeeze her, make her a cup of joe, and share what the last year has taught me. I’d tell her that no matter what, God’s got this, and regardless of her outcome, one thing she can control is how she reacts, how she lives, and possibly how she dies. I would add that people are wonderful. They really are. There’s nothing like cancer to remind you of the essential kindness of people. Lay down your independence and accept the offers of prayers, dinner and hugs –- sustenance through the tougher days and nights ahead.

Cancer is a team effort and, just like raising a child, it takes a village. There’s little purpose to tackling it alone. Support is invaluable.

You will cry. But you’ll also laugh. A lot. Pockets of joy come unexpectedly: coffee with friends, packages/letters in the mail, people randomly grabbing you and hugging you at church, grocery store, or parking lot. Meals served to you in bed, prepared by your kids, is definitely a highlight.

Hair. Smair. It grows back, okay?! Don’t get caught up in the vanity of all that. Just breathe and be thankful you are living another day. Plus, chances are there are wigs that look a whole lot better than your real hair anyway.

You can do this. And in a year’s time, you’ll be where I am now – physically different and a little bruised, but wiser, braver, and stronger. Just consider all you will have conquered!



Friday, June 30, 2017

GOALS






Happy 6 month birthday, 2017. What better time to reflect and assess where I'm at and where I'm going. 

Over the years, goals with numerical targets (often to do with the bathroom scales) have made way for more holistic or wholehearted ones. They have oscillated and undulated but generally followed a path of eating better, moving more (physically - not houses!) and living with fewer but better-quality items within our home. 

Just as I have been broader with my goals, so too have I been more forgiving with the results. In fact, this year that was and is my focus. So if I want to practice yoga more and the three-year-old wants to talk through all of it, or stop five minutes in to have breakfast then that's okay. Five minutes worth of stretching is better than none at all. If I only get to write my journal or blog once a month, then that's okay too. Something is better than nothing. You just do what you can, when you can. And show the kindness to yourself that you would to others. One day at a time. 



Wednesday, June 14, 2017

THE WORDS WE SPEAK






The words we speak are the fruit of our heart and our words should be different, because our hearts should be different. Today, remember to speak life to others. If your words are positive, speak them and if they are negative, simply silence them. For we are vessels to the Lord and here to serve one another, love one another and encourage one another as the wonderful Almighty has done for us. Love, obey and hold fast to Him.



Friday, June 9, 2017

AS THE MOON AFFECTS THE TIDE






“When we choose to be parents, we accept another human being as part of ourselves; and a large part of our emotional selves will stay with that person as long as we live. From that time on, there will be another person on this earth whose orbit around us will affect us as surely as the moon affects the tide.” – Fred Rogers



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