Monday, July 25, 2016

D-DAY



D-Day for us means Diagnosis Day. When I woke up that morning, my first thought was, “Today is July 18th, and I may find out that I have breast cancer.”

To say this Monday began like any other is a lie. I was beyond nervous! Luckily, I’m blessed to have a partner who is the calm in my storms. 

With sadness in her voice, she beat around the bush; my OBGYN eventually announced that I have breast cancer. She is. The. Greatest. Her reputation is outstanding. She’s delivered my last two children, so there existed more of a friendship bond between us that limited her ability to give it to me straight. Once it set in, my initial reaction was, “Well, now we finally have an answer!” And needless to say, my doctor was a little shocked at my response to this life-altering news.

I then began to explain why my reaction was relief in hearing this news. Never thought you’d hear someone who just got diagnosed with cancer be relieved, did you?! Well, my relief stems from this ongoing unknown battle. I finally found out what I was fighting! When you know everything about your opponent, its weaknesses, strengths, favorite hang-outs, morals, and fighting tactics, you can better defeat it. Oh wait, did I say morals? Cancer doesn’t have any. It fights dirty. This means, I have to fight dirtier. Now I finally know what to do. Now I am able to pick up my armor and weapons. I felt like I had been fighting a war with only my hands.

I look forward to finding out more about this defeatable beast inside of me.

I am reminded that God has gone before me. Hallelujah.

Deuteronomy 30:8
"God is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; He won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry.”



Sunday, July 24, 2016

FIVE


Logically I know that it was five years ago when I sat in Reef’s soon-to-be nursery, in the brown chenille chair, holding his empty baby book. It feels like it was maybe a few weeks ago, perhaps a month, that I flipped through those pages and came upon the one of the last pages in the book, “My first day of Kindergarten.”

I wept thinking about the tiny baby growing in my womb that would one day be an independent boy that would leave me everyday for elementary school. Pete rubbed my back to console me, “Don’t worry about that now,” he said. “This won’t happen for five years!”

Five years felt like a very off idea. Five years has almost come to sit like an elephant in the middle of my heart.

Friday, July 22, 2016

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK

Happy first-blog day to me! It’s hard to believe it’s been nearly a year since I put blogging on the back burner to focus on family and photography. I’m always generating blog posts in my mind that never make it to the computer screen, but I’ve been more inspired lately to write again and share small details of my goings on, because as far as blessings go. Holy crap, we’ve had SO many already in this process. When we hear “God goes before us”, it might not fully sink in, but for me it more than definitely has. He knew my whole story. He knew this would happen before I was even born. And although, He knew we would have a lot of mountains to climb over, He has continued to provide resting areas for us. With every day, and every appointment, and every test, I am discovering gifts along the way.

Throughout my entire life, I have been an extremely healthy person. Very active and fit. No broken bones. Only major surgeries have been that of my children’s’ deliveries. And I guess I earn a few more points from getting my wisdom teeth removed in my late twenties. But low and behold I developed an itch that made me feel a lump that led the doctors to image and biopsy my right breast discover that I have 6 cm of invasive T1b cancer near said lump. Note: Itch subsided just prior to biopsy.

Heavy, right?! If that wasn’t the Holy Spirit, I don’t know what is. Because, dear readers, I am 38 years old and wouldn’t have had a routine mammogram for another two years. And who knows what my tumor would look like and what my prognosis would be…TWO YEARS from now.

Today is the FIRST day in about 3 weeks that I haven’t had any consults to go to, scans or tests to get done. I guess that’s the life of a cancer patient!


More soon….

Jeremiah 29:11-14
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you. Bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.”




Wednesday, May 18, 2016

I DO, I WILL, I PROMISE


Fouryears today since I stood holding your hands and the words, “i do, i will, i promise” spilling out of me with so much joy. I’m often hard headed and hell bent and yet you have learned when to get out of my way and when to stand firm. You bend me, gently enough, without ever leaving me broken. You are the sand that smooths my rough edges and the one who makes me feel like a cherished diamond. I shine in your love, Pete.





Thursday, March 3, 2016

YOU GET A NEW DEVIL







When I'm serving God with all my heart and spending more time in His Word than ever, why is it that instead of circumstances getting better, they got much harder? A friend of mine recently said, "I think when you go with God to a new level, you get a new devil."

Satan hates the radically obedient soul. He hates it when a person jumps off the fence of complacency and into the center of God’s will. A spiritual battle is raging around us and because of that, life can be hard. While saying yes to God does bring blessing, it’s not easy.

One of my favorite love stories in the Bible is that of Jacob and Rachel. Jacob’s love for Rachel gave him purpose and perspective, which led to amazing persistence. He served Rachel’s father for many years to earn the right to marry Rachel because he loved her that much: "So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her" (Genesis 29:20, NIV).

Do you see what love can do for a person’s view of his circumstances? When you are crazy in love with someone, you’ll do anything for him — and do it with the highest level of sheer joy. I want to be so crazy in love with Jesus that not only do I serve Him, but I do it with absolute delight — even when life gets hard and messy.
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