Wednesday, August 15, 2018

SAYING NO WON'T KILL YOU



I know you have a big heart and you spend a lot of your time helping everyone else, but I want to remind you about the power of saying "no". 

It's hard to say no, especially to the people you love, like your family and close friends. But do you know that learning to say "no" makes your "yes" even stronger?

When we say yes out of guilt we end up having a "weak yes" and often don't put our whole hearts into what we're doing. We sometimes even resent the people we've said yes to. But here's the thing - saying yes is a choice! We're not being taken advantage of - we're just sleeping in the bed we made with all our people-pleasing yeses.

But when you say no to things that are motivated by guilt or people pleasing it creates space...space for you to give your whole heart elsewhere.

It allows you to say yes to rest.

Yes to being present.

Yes to your spouse, your kids, your best friend, the person right in front of you.

So here's your challenge for the week: 

Next time someone asks you for something I you don't want to do it, say no. Just try it. See how it feels and what reaction you get. Trust me, you won't die. 

I believe in you, friend and that's why I want to encourage you in this. You have so much to give but you don't have to give it to everyone who asks, every time they ask. 

Your fellow recovering yes woman,
Mandi





Friday, August 10, 2018

30A FAMILY VACATION


There are few places on earth, that I hold in my heart & think about on a daily basis.  One of those places happens to be 30A which is a stretch of 35 MPH road, hugging Blue Mountain, Santa Rosa, Rosemary, Watercolor and Seaside beaches. Our family has roots here now, seeing that we just completed our second annual trip. We are pretty much experts, right?! Okay, okay. Maybe not quite yet, but our kids call it “the new house” and a few folks have asked for our recommendations, so I thought I would package them up in a cute little blog post. Ready? Here we go…
We booked our rental about six months ahead of our trip so that we had our pick of best houses and best availability. Before our first trip last year, I actually thought we would go somewhere a little closer and a little cheaper, like the gulf in Alabama (which we also love and adore). But after researching 30A, we decided that a few extra dollars and a few more hours on the road were probably worth it. We were right. While I can sometimes tolerate the touristy destinations (I love a good t-shirt), we deeply desire a different kind of escape -- one that truly feels serene and relaxing, and that’s exactly what 30A is.

The tree-lined paths throughout area offer some escape from the Florida heat and the consistent coastal architecture provides a beautiful view everywhere you look. Everything new looks established – like it’s been there forever, but it still feels crisp and clean. It’s a small town, allowing you to walk or bike anywhere you want to go. And if you want a little more Florida-flare in your vacation, just wander down to Seacrest or a little farther to Seaside. Families in particular flock to Seaside, an 80-acre, unincorporated beach town, where all activities are clustered in this pristine walking community, filled with gorgeous pastel cottages and brick-lined streets. You might remember the picket-fence yards and idyllic pastel colored homes from the movie, “The Truman Show.” It’s that, but a lot more. Must-dos include the famous shaved ice stand in an airstream: Frost Bites, dinner at Bud & Alley’s waterfront restaurant and rooftop bar, and Modica Market. There’s plenty of shopping, outdoor patios, art, and of course the white-sand beach.


One of my favorite aspects of this place is that are no chain restaurants whatsoever; no Starbucks, no McDonalds, nothing but hard working, independent entrepreneurs & restaurateurs in this small iconic town. In the heart of the town is an outdoor amphitheater, which is a whole separate, wonderful asset that Seaside has to offer.  Outdoor concerts playing jazz music, outdoor movie nights, and my kids’ personal favorite a “free for all, play with all” night underneath the stars & lights of Seaside.  It’s where your kids will play with other kids from other states & unite you all as part of the wonderful Seaside community.
As for food in the area, aside from picking up a few things from the local grocery, we ate out about half the time. The biggest drawback to this, of course, was the expense. When you travel to the 30A area, be prepared to spend about twice what you normally do on a meal. The other drawback (and I hate to admit this) is that we didn’t really love most of the meals on our trip. We’re not fancy. We’re not even very picky. But for some reason, most of the food we’ve had in 30A was average. Despite some real doozies, I suggest Cowgirl Kitchen, Basmati’s Asian Cuisine, Great Southern CafĂ©.



Overall, the best fun was found at the beach or swimming pool. You really don’t need much more than that, but alas here are a few things that I recommend:

You have to let your kids’ experience Pecan Jacks at least once on the trip. It’s packed to the brim of every candy you can imagine and is good for an ice cream pit-stop.



If you’re in Seaside, don’t miss Modica Market, a favorite of mine jam-packed from floor to ceiling with everything you might need: groceries, grab-n-go food, local beer on tap, and 32 oz. mimosas to go! If I'm in town, you can probably find me at the Art of Simple, picking up a new seashell for my decor back home in Texas, or filling my nostalgic hunger for vinyl at Central Square Records. Every one of our family vacations morph into sugar tours, sometimes we eat ice cream twice a day. I know, I know, but it’s vacation! Anyway, be sure to b-line to Heavenly’s Shortcakes & Ice Cream or Frost Bites. With a cute little row of permanent food trucks lining the street, Seaside has a lot of cheaper food options.

On your way back from Seaside, swing by Goat Feathers in Seagrove. The “steamed and seasoned” shrimp by the pound is amazing.
We are already plotting our return back next year. Even though it’s a 10-hour trip (12 hours with stops) in the car, it’s worth every “are we there yet.” I would love to hear if you have any tips or recommendations for me. If so, leave them in the comments below.





Tuesday, July 17, 2018

AT PEACE WITH BEING AVERAGE

Recently I sat among thousands of on-lookers, sweating under a blistering Texas sun watching high school graduates thankfully receive their diplomas. I will tell you more about it in another post soon. However, my son was among the sea of pointy, tasseled hats, and I, of course, beamed with pride. He’s done good work- flipping through pages of textbooks, sitting for difficult exams, and prioritizing his academics- and he deserved to enjoy that moment. I know I certainly felt a visceral happiness when I walked across the stage, toting my hard-earned diploma, soaking in all the praise and recognition that came with that piece of paper.

Around campuses everywhere every spring, people are obtaining diplomas and degrees, mapping out professional lives, starting jobs, and entering the supposed real world. Enamored with inspirational language and both intrinsic and external pressures, most of these individuals have their eyes on achieving impressive professional endeavors, and many of them will likely work very hard to reach those goals.

These individuals deserve our recognition. Their persistence and grit is admirable and ambitious. However, they are not the only ones who deserve praise, recognition, and attention.
In this, I advocate for the individuals who may not be walking across their university stages, who may not be climbing the proverbial corporate ladders, who may not aspire to be the manager, leader, or boss of their workplaces. I advocate for the good people who often fall in the cracks- for the people who want to do “good enough” and exert their mental energy on other hobbies, relationships, or caveats. I advocate for the people who may not have the luxury, privilege, or capacity to pursue certain achievements- but who are worthy and amazing people nonetheless. I advocate for this demographic of people, because I am this demographic of people.

I advocate for the person who needs someone to tell them you don’t have to want to be the best, and that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It’s the scariest thing to openly admit to your boss that your job is not your #1 priority, for fear of being overlooked for growth or opportunities. I know, because I’ve done this. But what kind of person would I be if my family didn’t trump all else in my life?! I’ve personally chosen to diversify my success and achievements in all the important areas of my life.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with the desire to be successful, there is also nothing inherently wrong with not having the desire to be successful in the corporate world. The societal bias preferring the achievers and the accomplished implies that something is “wrong” with people who do not necessarily fit in these norms. They are “not reaching their full potentials.” They are “in denial, lazy, or otherwise broken.”

At best, this is ignorant thinking, and at worst, it represents a black-and-white expectation of perfectionism and the vicious race towards achieving it. Some people enjoy that kind of race, that kind of challenge. Others prefer a different pace- a different challenge. But friend, listen up, we have room for all of the above, and we have room to acknowledge and even celebrate everyone’s individual paths towards well-being.

Rather than focusing on external value- through the job titles and resumes and annual salaries- I advocate celebrating different kinds of successes. The father or mother who chooses to stay at home to raise a child. The full-time employee who feels content with where he or she is, even if (gasp), it means they aren’t necessarily striving towards a leadership or management role. The non-committal individual who works at a job simply to make a paycheck and a living.

It’s okay to have big dreams, and it’s okay to have small dreams, and it’s okay to have changing dreams. You aren’t any less important if you don’t feel the burning need to have a flashy, demanding career or mouthwatering paycheck. Climb ladders if you want to- don’t climb them if you don’t want to. Simple as that. You aren’t less intelligent, less ambitious, or even less attractive. Your priorities are just different, and THAT IS OKAY. 

It is okay to just want to do “good enough.” It is okay to even feel at peace with being average or right-in-the-middle. It is okay if your dreams don’t revolve around work, school, or external success.
Give your dreams some credit! They don’t have to fit any cookie-cutter mold. They don’t have to conform to anybody else’s expectations! And like I tell my kids, you are only a failure if you decide you are a failure. When you let society define you, you let society shackle you.

Success feels great-I think we can all agree on that-but YOU decide what that success feels like. And it’s okay if not everyone agrees with that definition.



Thursday, July 5, 2018

OBSESSED WITH OUR NEXT MEAL


Image result for keto diet

I’m on the sixth day of testing a diet you might be familiar with – ketogenic – in attempt of preventing and remedying disease and various health issues. I want to get that information out of the way up front, just in case this post comes across a little “hangry.”
Just kidding! I am literally quite content with my predominantly plant-based diet. However, the more I learn about health and nutrition since my cancer diagnosis in 2016, the more I find myself tweaking my diet.
As I’ve been dealing with cutting things from my diet and adding in new things to try to figure out why I’m having my current health issues, it has occurred to me how much time I’ve had to spend thinking about food that I used to spend being productive. It’s not just the actual food prep (which can be a lot more extensive when you’re cutting out all the fast food and processed food options), it’s the time I just spend THINKING about food that is sucking the energy out of me and giving me less available brain space for the things that truly matter.
This awareness hit me yesterday, when I realized I spent 2.5 hours of my 4th of July holiday, perusing Pinterest for ketogenic recipes and the whys people choose this lifestyle over others.
2 hours felt like such a waste. I know I’m doing it now to try to be a good steward of my body and I believe that’s important and noble, but it’s made me think about other times I’ve spent engrossed in the subject, and how much we are a dieting culture in general. How much world-changing power have we women given up because we were thinking about the brownies in the break room we aren’t “allowed” to eat?
I know there’s a balance. Obesity is a real problem and many of us have diet constraints that we didn’t choose, but we have to respect because of the quirks of our bodies. We can’t avoid thinking about food. Especially as mothers, much of our time may be devoted to shopping for food, meal planning, prepping food, serving food and cleaning up the food that was left. Food is essential to life. But having a healthy relationship with food is more complicated than I used to imagine.
What I’m finding is that you can eat a healthy diet and still have an unhealthy relationship with food. If food is consuming your thoughts, you’ve got a problem. Whether you’re daydreaming about potato chips or kale chips, I’m not sure it matters. I’m well aware this is a #firstworld problem, but I think it’s one we need to look at. How much of our lives have we devoted to thinking about food? What could we have done with that time instead? Have we sacrificed our ability to make positive change in the world around us because we were either hungry, consumed with thoughts about our next meal, or wracked with guilt about we’ve already eaten?
Developing a healthy relationship with food needs to be about putting it in the place it deserves. It can’t be the only place we find our joy or our reason for living. I can feel in my own hunger today a feeling less like friendship with food and more like an unhealthy, lustful, stalker relationship. I may be eating “clean” but my thoughts about food are a little dirty (metaphorically speaking).
I want to get my body healthy. I also don’t want to lose my passion for the things outside of my body. I want to find the healthy balance—not just a healthy diet, but a healthy soul, and a healthy pursuit of the work in front of me.



Friday, June 1, 2018

FRIDAY RE-INTRODUCTION



I'm Mandi, not Amanda, 
Lover of old things, a story, and hand written letters.
Character etched out by age, hardship and trials and maturing gracefully.
I love the color green and being in nature.
The sun setting over the sea, a completely genuine smile, and a good ol belly laugh,
Clean sheets, holding hands, and accounts of God's grace,
The greatest gift is to fully known by another, and loved in spite of my flaws.
We have 4 wild children
Keegan Alexander 18, Bailey Genevieve 16, Reef William 6, Ripley Glenn 4
They are most at home when we're at the edge of the ocean,
And we wouldn't have it any other way.
They are my heart, my days and hours poured into these years, into their fleeting childhood, and the joy of watching them grow as my hair turns grey.
Until next time
xoxo

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA




Things I'm teaching my teens about social media:
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It’s not a competition // when those feelings of competition and comparison come up, it’s your duty to squash them like bugs. You’ve got to dig deep and ask yourself, “Okay… what am I really not happy with? What, in my own life, do I have the power to change?” Other people’s snippets of their life can stir jealousy and envy inside of you but that’s up to you to deal with those feelings and either unfollow or stop allowing your brain to go into such a negative space. You control that, no one else.
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It’s not the whole story // The thing is: you don't know the real story. Even when a person shares a part of their mess from the Internet, it's usually not the full story. And likely, you don’t need the full story. What would you do with it anyway? Instead of always thinking you have the whole story, or wanting the whole story, maybe you can focus more on the stories that surround you. Maybe you can focus on your story and how it's being written right now. If we don’t want people to be fake on the internet it has to start with the person in the mirror.
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It’s not everything // the studies are starting to come out now with real data that explains what social media (too much of it) is doing to our brains and emotions. It’s reason to take caution and learn better boundaries. We are allowing these platforms to steal from us the one thing we get in this life, the one fleeting resource: time. But I believe we can learn to use it wisely and bring it back to connection over comparison. Focus on your people. Focus on living your real life. Focus on the fleeting goodness all around you. There’s so much of it but our eyes have to be open & our heads have to be up to see it.
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Parents, what else am I missing? Is there anything you’ve learned lately about social media?



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